All posts by La Cracha Handy

About La Cracha Handy

My name is La Cracha Handy. I started blogging 5 years ago. I am currently building my brand as an independent author-publisher of nonfiction books on relationships and parenting. My first book, Leaving the Hidden Path: Motivational Guidance for Women with Young Children Considering Divorce, will be released in Spring 2019. I am also a pop culture geek. I read and collect comic books, play Pokemon Go, and build model rockets. I love Star Trek: The Next Generation and Doctor Who. My name is prounced "Lacrisha."

La Cracha’s Believe it or not: Colorism is Real

My (ex)husband and I were barely married six months when he told me about a conversation between him and his mother.  His mother had run into a female they hadn’t seen in years.

Then a bomb was dropped on me.

My ex said that his mother told him the girl was light skin and still had “all that long pretty hair.”  Then she told him that that’s who he should-be married to.  And that they would’ve had some pretty kids.

Hold up.  Wait a minute.  What the hell?

So I asked my ex what his response was to his mother.  He said he told her that he hadn’t seen the girl since first grade.

“REALLY?  You have got to be kidding me.  You mean to tell me that’s all you said to your mama?”  I said way more than that, of course.

That was the day I learned my (ex)mother-in-law was color struck and hair struck.

I told my ex how I was hurt by what his mother said, and that he should be too.  I told him that not only was she calling his wife (me) ugly, but that she was also implying that our future kids would be ugly.

I eventually got over it, probably because I didn’t live with her and therefore, I didn’t have to deal with her if I didn’t want to.

Fast forward two years when I had my son.  My ex is light skin and I am dark skin.  Our son is light like his dad.  Well, my ex has a female cousin who is mixed.  She had a baby boy a few days before my son was born.  The baby’s father is white.

Are you ready for some more bullshit?  Well here goes.

Knowing that my (ex)mother-in-law is plagued by colorism, I knew she would be tickled pink that her grandchild was light skin with a head full of hair.

Nope.  Not at all.

She was busy doting on, and bragging about her nephew’s BLOND HAIR and BLUE EYES.

One day I went to an event and took my infant son.  People that knew my ex in-laws swarmed around us.  They were happy to see him and started holding and passing him around like a collection plate.

My ex mother-in-law was at the event.  She came over to where we were and took the spotlight away from my son and me.  She started telling them how they should see (nephew’s name) because he had blond hair and blue eyes.  They looked at her as if she was crazy and continued loving on my son.  She started back up again by asking if they knew her niece and that she had a baby boy a few days older, and that he had blond hair and blue eyes.

My son’s hair was so long that I kept it either braided or picked out into an afro.  His grandmother wasn’t satisfied.  She bragged on her nephew, but looked down on her own grandchild.  Yes my son is light skin, but she loved talking about his “nappy hair.”

I put up with that bullshit for a few months to give my ex time to grow a pair of balls so he could defend his family.  That’s when I started to see how weak he was.  Afraid to stand up to his mother.  I wasn’t though.  I keep to myself, but will get you told when I’m pushed to it.

People.

Listen.

Colorism is real and it’s even worse within the black community.  Blacks are quick to yell racism, but we look down on our own.  This light skin vs. dark skin thing has gone on long enough.

I have seen an increasing number of posts on social media about colorism over the past couple weeks.  Sometimes I comment, other times I scroll past because I get angry all over again.  I cried as I commented on a post last week.  I had briefly shared the two stories above.

Black women produce children of all colors and shades.

Earlier I mentioned that my (ex)husband is light skin and I am dark skin.  Well, we have two children.  The oldest is light and the youngest is dark.

My oldest has gotten darker over the years from being out in the sun.  But when he was younger I was often asked where did I get a white baby from, or how did I get a light skin baby.

The first time I experienced colorism was when my ex told me the remarks his mother made about the light skin girl.  I weighed  120 pounds and wore a size 6 when I met him and his family.  I had long and thick jet black hair.  I may not be that itty bitty size anymore, and my hair isn’t as long as it used to be, but I am as beautiful now as I was back then.

What people, especially in the black community, need to learn is this:

It does NOT matter if you are light skin or dark skin.  Your skin tone does not make you ugly.  It’s your ways that make you ugly.

Feel free to comment below or send me an email anytime.

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La Cracha Handy is a blogger and divorced mother of two sons, ages 16 and 12.  She is currently working on branding herself as a nonfiction author of marriage and divorce, relationships, and parenting including children with special needs.  Her first book, Leaving the Hidden Path:  Motivational Guidance for Women with Young Kids Considering Divorce, will be released August 2019.

 

 

It’s Okay to Leave, Ladies

I got divorced three years ago, and to this day I have no regrets about it.

Marriage is a piece of hard work and I tried my hardest to make it last.  Unfortunately relationships can take a turn for the worse and life-changing decisions must be made.

While married, I had started to become an emotional wreck.  I’m talking train wreck.  I wasn’t happy and I eventually started to resent my (ex)husband.  There were so many issues that he could have worked on. Things that WE could have worked on together.

Do you want to know the worst part?

I KEPT IT ALL TO MYSELF.

You read correctly.  I was a silent sufferer.  I kept my unhappiness to myself.  I was happy out in public, always talking and laughing loud.  However, at home I was miserable.  When I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, I decided to reassess my marriage to see if it was worth saving.

Deciding to leave a marriage is hard, especially when minor children are involved.  I had to decide if I wanted to end the relationship or stay in it for the sake of my kids.  I held on for as long as I could.  But I eventually decided that I wanted to be happy.  I wanted my sanity back.  Most of all, I wanted what was best for my kids and me.

Ladies.  It is okay to leave.  If you are unhappily married with young kids, then it is time to thoroughly examine your marriage.  It is time to assess your situation.

Keep in mind that relationships can turn sour no matter what color you are.  You can be black, white, magenta, or polka dot.  No one is exempt.

No man is worth that kind of stress.  Or any other kind of stress.

Feel free to comment or send me an email anytime if you would like additional tips, advice, or just to vent.  I’ve been there so I know and understand what you are going through.

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La Cracha Handy is a blogger and divorced mother of two sons, ages 16 and 12.  She is currently working on branding herself as a nonfiction author of marriage and divorce, relationships, and parenting including children with special needs.  Her first book, Leaving the Hidden Path:  Motivational Guidance for Women with Young Kids Considering Divorce, will be released August 2019.

My Impromptu M.L. King Day Moment

Posing for a picture with Yolanda King while getting her autograph in January 1991 in Flint, Michigan.

Yesterday was Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday.  I would say that I am a day late with this blog post but I won’t.  I attended Martin Luther King, Jr. Elementary School in Flint, Michigan.  Therefore, EVERYDAY is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day to Me.

I entered every essay contest I found about in grades K-12.  I won a couple of them.  I was even asked to read one of my essays during the Martin Luther King, Jr. birthday celebration at my school in 6th grade.  I have never been camera-shy.  So speaking in front of the standing room only audience in the school’s gymnasium didn’t bother me one bit.

The best moment over the years was meeting Dr. King’s daughter, Yolanda.  She delivered the keynote address at a luncheon at Mott Community College in Flint, Michigan in January 1991.  Yolanda King’s voice was loud, powerful, and soulful.

Lunch took place immediately after.  My mother and I were very excited to have sat at the same  table as Yolanda during lunch.  Yolanda had such a beautiful smile and talked to everyone seated at the table while we were eating.

When I told Yolanda my name (La Cracha pronounced Lacrisha), she smiled and said my name was beautiful.  She also told me how pretty I was.  After I thanked her, I turned and looked at my mother who was standing right behind me.  Her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.  I am sure mine did the same!

To be honest, I wasn’t going to post anything about M.L. King Day.  I was looking through some old pictures a few hours ago and came across the one above.  Besides my mother and siblings, no one else has seen this picture.  Until now.

Yolanda King transitioned into Heaven, but she will always be one of the greatest women I have ever met.

If I Can Then You Can

I went canvassing after I voted this morning.  I am a volunteer with the Michigan Democratic Party.  It was cold, windy, and raining.  Ponchos and hand warmers were provided for canvassers.

There is no excuse if you didn’t vote in the Midterm Elections 2018 today.  Especially Michigan.  If I can walk door-to-door in the rain, then you can get out and vote.

In case you’re wondering, yes I am holding a Deadpool umbrella.  Comic book nerds vote too, you know.

Michiganders: It’s Time to GOTV

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This is one of my NO BARS HOLD post.

Midterm Election 2018 is Tuesday, November 6.  If you live in Michigan, then you know how important it is to vote.  Michigan is a swing state, and it is time for us to turn it BLUE.

In order to end this swing state nonsense, we have to GOTV (Get Out The Vote).  The House, Senate, and Governor all need to be flipped.

We need to put people in office that are for Michiganders.  Someone that cares about:

  • Putting Michiganders first, and not their wealthy friends and special interest groups
  • Healthcare
  • Clean drinking water
  • The elderly
  • Public education (especially K-12 including special needs students)
  • Special needs community
  • Protecting our Great Lakes
  • Fixing the “damn roads”

I could go on.  But you get the picture.  Actually you should already know this.  So I am writing this blog post as a reminder.

Now it’s time to get down to the nitty gritty.

  1. Expect long lines at the polls on Tuesday.  This might be a historic election.  I am predicting a larger turnout than both of President Obama’s elections (2008, 2012).  However, experts are predicting what could be the largest voter turnout in 50 years.
  2. Donald Trump’s rhetoric has his followers thinking they can say whatever the hell they want to say to folks.  This shit doesn’t just happen in other states.  It happened right here in Michigan a few days ago.  My friend was talking to her young son in her language as they sat in a restaurant.  Some random man stared at her.  She ignored him.  He stood up and called her a stupid camel jockey and stupid sand nigger.  She continued to ignore him.  Then he called her a dumb camel jockey, and told her to go to her country.  The hate is real, y’all.  The hate….is….real.
  3. Voter suppression.  There will be NO straight-ticket voting for the first time in 127 years.  No more filling in the Democratic or Republic bubble.  We now have to fill in individual bubbles next to the candidates names.  They tried to ban it for the August primary election but was unsuccessful.  This is definitely voter suppression.  A way to discourage people from voting.  The lines are going to be extremely long and slow because a lot of people don’t understand how to read the ballot.  I have never had a problem reading the ballot.  I am a speed reader and I catch on easily.  So the language on the ballot is nothing to me.  Although this crazy ban on straight-ticket voting is going to frustrate a lot of voters, I sure hope they are able to complete it with no errors.
  4. Voter registration card is not required to vote.  All you need to know is your polling location and precinct number.  Live in Michigan and don’t know where to report on Election Day?  No problem.  You can find your voting location, precinct, and a sample ballot here.
  5. Photo ID is not required to vote.  You will be required to sign an affidavit (statement saying you are who you say you are).
  6. The League of Women Voters of Michigan published a 2018 Nonpartisan Voter Guide.  There is a form on the back page that you can complete, clip, and take with you to vote.  You will not forget who to vote for this way.
  7. Let me know if you need a ride to the polls.  I don’t care if you live in the Upper Peninsula.  I will be more than happy to make that 6 hour drive to beautiful northern Michigan and take you.

Michiganders, I cannot stress enough how crucial it is vote this Tuesday, November 6, 2018.

Every election is important.  Primary.  Midterm.  Presidential.  But Midterm Election 2018 is serious business.  We have the chance to make history.

The upcoming election is so important to me that I signed up to volunteer with the Michigan Democratic Party.

I went canvassing yesterday.  I knocked on doors and spoke to a lot of people.

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I also plan to canvass, work the phone bank, or whatever is needed as soon as my children leave for school on Tuesday.

As I step down from my soapbox I would like to leave you with this.

It is time for a change.  There is massive chaos in our country.  There is chaos in our great state of Michigan also.  We need to elect those who will fight for us.  Don’t just vote in Presidential elections.  Vote in the primaries and midterms as well.

If you DON’T VOTE then you DON’T have a right to COMPLAIN.

If you live in Michigan, then it is time to GOTV.  It is time to turn our state BLUE.  So get up, get out, and VOTE.

10 Things I Want to see in Year 2018

There are so many things I want to see happen this year.  So that I don’t bore you I narrowed my list down to 10.

10 things I want to see happen in year 2018 are:

  1. Comedians and wannabes ditching Flint water crisis jokes.  They are stale       nowadays.
  2. Clean water in the city of Flint, Michigan for all those who still need it (not everyone’s water was affected).  I also want to see justice served on everyone that is responsible for this monstrosity.
  3. McDonald’s bring back Hi-C Orange.  My children and I rarely go to McDonald’s these days because one of them does not drink pop.  He has always ordered the Hi-C orange flavored drink.
  4. More conversations and less GIFs on social media.  I don’t know how many times I wanted to comment on a post on social media, especially Facebook, but didn’t because all the comments were in GIFs.  I don’t even click on those jokers.
  5. Folks to stop thinking that ALL women of color look up to Meghan Markle.  Not all black women want to be like her.  Especially me.  I have never dreamed of being a princess and I never wanted a fairytale wedding.  I always dreamed of a destination wedding, to get married in Jamaica.  And I did just that.  I got married in Negril, Jamaica in 2000 (I’m divorced now though, lol).  Anyway I’m tired of this nonsense.  Up there acting like we don’t get married or can’t get anyone.
  6. More people to be at peace with themselves.  I often read of people wishing for world peace.  Well, in order to achieve world peace everyone must first be at peace with self.
  7. My oldest child get his driver license.  My son will be 16 in a few months.  I don’t know if it’s just my teenager or not, but for some reason he has not shown an interest in driving.  I have gotten on him several times about it and told him that he is going to learn to drive and get his license.  Usually when I’m on his case about it is when I’m out of pop (I love my Coca-Cola) and too lazy to drive around the corner to the store to buy more.
  8. More people covering their mouths while coughing.  My  number one pet peeve is folks coughing and not covering their mouths.  That is nasty, disrespectful, and unsanitary.  My kids and I were at the farmer’s market one day last year.  We had just opened our cans of pop when a man walked by and sneezed without covering his mouth.  I got mad and did what I always do.  I yelled, “Ugh!  Cover your mouth!”  We threw our drinks away.  I was so upset that my son bought me another Coke.
  9. Donald Trump’s Twitter account permanently closed and deleted.  Enough said.
  10. Myself as a bestselling nonfiction author and motivational speaker.  I will be launching my first book, “Leaving the Hidden Path:  Motivational Guidance for Women of Young Kids Considering Divorce” in a few months.  My original launch date was August of last year, but I had to postpone it due to caring for my son as he fight a life-threatening illness.

As always, thank you for visiting my blog.  Please feel free to add what you would like to see this year in the comment section below.

Pontiac Silverdome Implosion: No Collapse but Still Fun

My oldest child fell asleep before 11:00 p.m. on Saturday night.  He is 15 years-old and it is rare for him to go to bed that early, even on a school night.

My youngest is 11 years-old and he fell asleep before 9 p.m.  My son is fighting osteosarcoma (bone cancer) and was discharged from the hospital Friday afternoon after a week long stay there.  But he wanted in on the action like his big brother.

Yes I am referring to the Pontiac Silverdome Implosion that took place on Sunday, December 3rd in Pontiac, Michigan.  I woke up at 5:30 a.m., got my sons and myself ready, and made the 45 minute road trip to Pontiac to join others in that historic moment.

Selfie taken in Pontiac, Michigan on December 3, 2017. The Pontiac Silverdome is in the background.

There was a designated parking and viewing area for the public so we left home extra early to ensure that we got a parking spot.  Excellent crowd control and there was even free coffee and donuts.

Leaving the boys in my vehicle at first (the youngest stayed inside my SUV the entire time to stay warm and recuperate), I got out to walk around and check out the environment.  It was as if we were at a funeral.  Some people (individuals and families) walked around and socialized with one another.  Others stood and stared at the Silverdome in silence.  There were times when there was complete silence because everyone was staring at the Pontiac Silverdome for the last time.

No one seemed to mind the 34 degree temperature with a wind chill of 28.  That is because we are Michiganders.  We are used to cold weather.

I found a great spot for viewing and tears immediately flowed from my eyes.  My surrounding was peaceful.  All I could hear were footsteps of others walking up to pay their last respects to the former home of the Detroit Lions, Detroit Pistons, and a venue for countless other events.

It was nice to hear stories of who attended the Lions and Pistons games.  Others talked about concerts they attended.  Of course I had to share my story of when my sister and I attended the Jackson Victory Tour in 1984.  She was 14 and I was 12.  I did away with the jheri curl decades ago, but that sequin glove I wore to the concert is still packed away somewhere at my mother’s home.

As expected there was a huge turnout for the implosion of the Pontiac Silverdome.  Not everyone was able to fit into the designated parking lot.  Traffic became backed up on the expressway.  As a matter of fact, traffic literally stopped.  People got out of their vehicles and watched from the expressway.  Like I said, it was as if we were at a funeral.  It was a very emotional moment.

I did not record the first few seconds of the implosion because the blast from the explosives startled me.

Pontiac Silverdome one minute before implosion.
Pontiac Silverdome seconds after explosives were detonated.

The explosives failed to implode the Silverdome on Sunday.  Everyone stood and waited in silence for it to collapse (my tears were flowing heavily) but it wasn’t ready to be taken out just yet!

Although the Silverdome didn’t collapse, my sons and I still had a great time and I am sure everyone else had fun as well.  A man tossed a Nerf football back and forth to his young sons.  I saw a few drones flying around.  News helicopters circled overhead and came to a standstill minutes before implosion.

However there is always that ONE person that has to be a standout.  The guy I parked next to started talking to me before I even turned my engine off.  He said he was trying to get famous and wanted his 15 minutes of fame.  He said he was going to let the top of his truck down, climb up his ladder, and hold up a sign he made.

AND HE DID.

He told me a chilling story about something he and his friend saw when he was 15 years-old.  The story is too long to type in this blog post, but he said they saw a hand sticking out of a box.  They believe Jimmy Hoffa was in it.

I don’t know if that story was true or not, but he said that is the same story he’s been telling for years and it never changes.  A lot of people stopped and took pictures of that man and his sign.  Some of them even took selfies (I also took one) in front of him.  At times he even had a small gathering at his truck.  They were old schoolers like myself and I joined in on a couple of the discussions.  He held that sign up in the air the entire time.  Maybe his Jimmy Hoffa story is true, maybe it’s not.  But it was a heck of a story and generated a lot of talk.

The Pontiac Silverdome in Pontiac, Michigan was successfully imploded the next day.  I was okay with it because I had bid my farewell the day before, on its’ original implosion date.