Tag Archives: parenting

Your Father is not the Reason for Your Shortcomings

  1. To be such a small dot on the map, the city of Flint, Michigan has a very high crime rate.  Most of the crimes are committed by males.
  2. I have recently read several social media posts from guys talking about their current or past bad behaviors.
  3. There are a lot of men with poor father-son relationships.

What does the above three sentences have in common?

Most of the males blame their fathers for their flaws, or shortcomings.  This blog post will focus on the latter of the three.

As a father, you are a role model for your son.  You are to take over once he leaves infancy and enter the toddler stage.  Your son’s personal growth, emotional development, and masculinity depends on you.  You are supposed to teach him how to be a man.  The more involved you are with your child, the more of a man he will become.

I am sick and tired of always hearing and reading I grew up without a father, my dad wasn’t there for me, my dad wasn’t around, and all the other my dad this and my dad that bullshit.

Last year a male family member told me the reason he does not play with his sons (especially outdoors) is because his father didn’t play with him, and did not show him how to throw a football (when asked why he won’t play ball with them).  Again, BULLSHIT.

Men need to be physically active with their sons.  Play games, hold a race, throw a frisbee.  Don’t just watch them play, get out there and PLAY WITH THEM.  Boys are more active and aggressive than girls, so it’s important that dads get involved in their lives as early as possible in order to foster a healthy father-son relationship.

Encourage and support your son’s choice of play and activities, and participate.  So what if his likes are different from yours.  Remember that he is your son.  He is NOT YOU.

Fellas, if you are on that blame your dad bandwagon then jump off, stop your bullshitting and listen up.  It is never too late to have a meaningful relationship with your son.  Just because your father may not have been there for you does not mean that you have to hinder your own child’s personal and emotional growth.

You are getting a fresh start when you become a father.  Talk to other men about how they spend quality time with their sons.  Attend father-son activities (the YMCA Camp Copneconic in my area hosts weekend overnight family camps including father/son).

My two older brothers were constantly in and out of jail back in the day.  The oldest is 15 years older than me so I don’t know much about him.  But I do recall that he would stay in jail for a long time.  I am talking years.  My other brother is 4 years older than me.  My earliest memory of him getting into trouble was while he was in junior high school.

Our parents separated when I was a child, and to this day neither of my brothers has played the blame the father card.  They were just being boys.

The younger brother always played and roughhoused with his sons.  He also loved model cars and electronics.  Whenever I visited him and his family, they would either be working on model car kits, fixing radios, or wrestling in the center of the floor.  My brother now lives in a nursing home, paralyzed from MS (Multiple Sclerosis).  He spent quality time with his two sons all the way up until he was physically unable to do so.

Whatever the reasons are for your lack of involvement, get over it and teach your sons how to be men.  Teach them how to be a leader and take charge.

If you have social anxiety then seek counseling.  But you don’t have to give all of your money to a therapist when I’m giving you free advice right here and now.

Get your asses up from in front of that Xbox and Playstation and spend some quality time with your child.

As I step down from my soap box, I would like to leave you with this.  Guys, your father is NOT the reason for your shortcomings, especially your lack of involvement in the lives of your son(s).  YOU are the reason.  So grow a pair and use them.


Children Do Not Belong On Social Media Sites

There is no reason for children, including TEENAGERS, to have social media accounts.  Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, and other sites I may have missed, should not be on the minds of youths.

My oldest child (12 years-old) recently asked the age requirement for a Facebook account.  My response was:

You’re old enough to have a Facebook account when you’ve been out of high school long enough for at least one class reunion, have a job, and have your own residence.

I went on to explain to him that social media sites is a great way for adults to connect with childhood friends, and former classmates they may have lost contact with over the years.

Social media is also a great way for networking.  I have accounts on Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr, and I network with a lot of people whether it’s professional, hobbies, or just plain socializing.

But I can do that.  I am an adult that graduated from high school and college years ago, I have a husband, kids, job, and my own residence.  In other words, I have something to talk about.  Not giggle and post/tweet kid talk about something I’ve already said in 4th hour.

There is no reason for kids to have a social media account because they see each other at school, church and in their neighborhoods.  They even talk to each other by phone.

A child (I know this person well) sent me a Facebook friend request recently.  I was shocked.  I still haven’t told my son because I don’t want him thinking that he can create an account.

But I was shocked even more a couple of days ago.  Under the People You May Know section on Facebook were the names of two children, both in the single digit age range.  A what the f**k came out of my mouth before I knew it.  I rarely cuss, so you know I was frustrated.

PARENTS:  Keep your kids off of social media sites.  They have no business on there.  We are not around our children 24/7 but we should be aware of what they are doing.  And I’m damn well sure you know that your young children (maybe even your teenagers) are on Facebook and Twitter because they are on your friends list.

There are all kinds of predators lurking the internet.  Some may even pretend to be a child just to lure your children to their dungeons.  For the kids on media sites that are shy, timid, and bullied, watch out.  These sickos are just waiting to pounce on them.  But this won’t happen if you make sure your kids stay off those damn websites.

PARENTS SHOULD BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE if they know their kids are engaging on social media sites.  They should be charged with child exploitation and indecent exposure, because they’re handing their children over to pedophiles, and other sick scumbags, on a platter.

If children insist on surfing the web, then steer them to educational sites like:

Brain Pop is used at my youngest child’s school.  There is a password, but some areas of the sites do not require a password.  He even wanted a home subscription for his birthday last year, and of course I got it for him.

My youngest also discovered Kids Health a couple of months ago while surfing the web.  He is special needs and was searching for EEG, a test he was scheduled to have within the next few days.

There are plenty of kid-friendly websites available for kids.  Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Tumblr are not on the list.  Well, they’re not on the list in my home.