- To be such a small dot on the map, the city of Flint, Michigan has a very high crime rate. Most of the crimes are committed by males.
- I have recently read several social media posts from guys talking about their current or past bad behaviors.
- There are a lot of men with poor father-son relationships.
What does the above three sentences have in common?
Most of the males blame their fathers for their flaws, or shortcomings. This blog post will focus on the latter of the three.
As a father, you are a role model for your son. You are to take over once he leaves infancy and enter the toddler stage. Your son’s personal growth, emotional development, and masculinity depends on you. You are supposed to teach him how to be a man. The more involved you are with your child, the more of a man he will become.
I am sick and tired of always hearing and reading I grew up without a father, my dad wasn’t there for me, my dad wasn’t around, and all the other my dad this and my dad that bullshit.
Last year a male family member told me the reason he does not play with his sons (especially outdoors) is because his father didn’t play with him, and did not show him how to throw a football (when asked why he won’t play ball with them). Again, BULLSHIT.
Men need to be physically active with their sons. Play games, hold a race, throw a frisbee. Don’t just watch them play, get out there and PLAY WITH THEM. Boys are more active and aggressive than girls, so it’s important that dads get involved in their lives as early as possible in order to foster a healthy father-son relationship.
Encourage and support your son’s choice of play and activities, and participate. So what if his likes are different from yours. Remember that he is your son. He is NOT YOU.
Fellas, if you are on that blame your dad bandwagon then jump off, stop your bullshitting and listen up. It is never too late to have a meaningful relationship with your son. Just because your father may not have been there for you does not mean that you have to hinder your own child’s personal and emotional growth.
You are getting a fresh start when you become a father. Talk to other men about how they spend quality time with their sons. Attend father-son activities (the YMCA Camp Copneconic in my area hosts weekend overnight family camps including father/son).
My two older brothers were constantly in and out of jail back in the day. The oldest is 15 years older than me so I don’t know much about him. But I do recall that he would stay in jail for a long time. I am talking years. My other brother is 4 years older than me. My earliest memory of him getting into trouble was while he was in junior high school.
Our parents separated when I was a child, and to this day neither of my brothers has played the blame the father card. They were just being boys.
The younger brother always played and roughhoused with his sons. He also loved model cars and electronics. Whenever I visited him and his family, they would either be working on model car kits, fixing radios, or wrestling in the center of the floor. My brother now lives in a nursing home, paralyzed from MS (Multiple Sclerosis). He spent quality time with his two sons all the way up until he was physically unable to do so.
Whatever the reasons are for your lack of involvement, get over it and teach your sons how to be men. Teach them how to be a leader and take charge.
If you have social anxiety then seek counseling. But you don’t have to give all of your money to a therapist when I’m giving you free advice right here and now.
Get your asses up from in front of that Xbox and Playstation and spend some quality time with your child.
As I step down from my soap box, I would like to leave you with this. Guys, your father is NOT the reason for your shortcomings, especially your lack of involvement in the lives of your son(s). YOU are the reason. So grow a pair and use them.
2 thoughts on “Your Father is not the Reason for Your Shortcomings”
I Salute you! You told Men what they already should know. If you grew up without a Father figure and it made you feel some type of way well guess how your Child feel in this time and era. We need these Men to step up and be a mentor to their Children or even to a slacker kid. Just Be there is all I am saying…
Excellent points Erica, especially about mentoring a slacker kid. Thanks for commenting, friend!